Dream of Takarazuka: 39 & 40
Jan. 1st, 2020 03:26 pmChapter 39 ~*~ Crack
Full of pep once more, I returned to Takarazuka and began rehearsals for the next performance¹.
Top star Takashio Tomoe had announced her retirement, so it was a serious performance.
My injury was now firmly in the past, and although my knee did pain me from time to time, it was Pei-san's last performance so I wasn't going to say anything. Besides, compared to when my injury came to light in the last performance, this was a very easy performance. "Easy peasy!" I thought happily as we got through rehearsals and began the real run.
I thought of how I wanted to spend this precious time and stand on stage with Pei-san during her last performance, searing her image into my mind with my own eyes.
However, it was possible that I would become top star.... When I thought of that the terrifying possibility glimmered in front of my eyes and I didn't know what I would do.
*
I mentioned this before, but it's not like there's a notice: "You're going to be the next top star!"
And, when a top star retires, it's not like they're bound to make the nibante (second-ranked person) automatically into a top star.
So, at that point in time I wasn't sure if I would be top star starting with the next performance or not.
I enjoyed being in the nibante position, and if it were possible I would hold on tightly to it for my entire life.
It might anger the fans, but I wanted to be anything but top star.
The top stars I had looked up to since I was an underclassmen had a sense of responsibility, a determination, a popularity, a real ability, a leadership. The people chosen for that terrible position had it all.
If it came to me, who had none of those things... I would quit Takarazuka.
If things had gone on like that, I wonder if I would have become top star? .... But I didn't want to leave Takarazuka yet.
I understand all too well the saying that "Nothing good comes of humans losing their sense of purpose."
*
After approximately a month, rehearsals ended, and then about ten days into the Grand Theater run the knee that had been giving me no trouble at all-- in the middle of a dance number gave a cracking sound and then I couldn't move it at all.
Chapter 40 ~*~ Tears Dripping
That day I continued the performance trying as best I could to hide the leg I couldn't move that was trailing behind me, and after it ended I rushed to the doctors.
But this time the judo doctors and the acupuncturists couldn't fix my knee.
As tragic as it was, I was master of a knee much more swollen than before, and I was replaced in all my dancing scenes, appearing only in the acting scenes.
Seeing me struggle daily to walk, the upperclassmen and staff of the Revue berated me: "Enough already! Take a break and rest your leg!" And so eventually, I was suspended from the performance.
On the day that my suspension was decided, worried that my replacements might make a mistake or forget, I stood in the wings and watched.
As I watched, tears dripped unstopping down my face.
Among the very worst days of my life, that entered the top five.
Even as I sit here writing this, the sadness I felt that day comes back vividly.
Even though my top half was healthier than anything, even though I could do everything better than my replacements, WHY did my leg have to not be able to move? I wondered miserably.
It caused trouble for everyone around my replacements during this so-important final show of Pei-san's, and for that I felt so incredibly sorry.
(1) Takashio Tomoe's final show was "A Single Rose / The Revuescope"